Christ Returns and I’m Still Here?

Reports from CNN today state that Jesus Christ returned to, of all places, Hell, Michigan at approximately 6 am EST. He arrived in a bright light, trumpets blaring, and a legion of angels following according to accounts from five of the 266 in the city. He took all the Christians of the world with him in what is called the rapture.

Just in case you couldn’t tell, Happy April Fool’s Day!